


Hell And Back

by Suzie_Shooter



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Rush (2013)
Genre: Blood, Burns, Caretaking, Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Vomiting, awkward men and their inconvenient feelings, hand-holding, mention of Niki/Marlene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-27 01:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suzie_Shooter/pseuds/Suzie_Shooter
Summary: Post-crash fic: hurt/comfort, shameless fluff. Niki holds it together long enough to race at Monza but it's James who sees that he's finally reached the end of his endurance.





	Hell And Back

The room was noisy and far too hot, at least that was how it felt to Niki. Having completed the race all he wanted now was to go and lie down in a darkened room for a bit, but he was a victim of his own success and despite only having come fourth everyone was far more interested in his comeback than in the placing of the top three. 

He'd been trapped in the press room now for what felt like longer than the race itself, fielding endless questions and feeling his vision blurring more and more. The room was going dark at the edges and he could feel the bile rising in his throat. 

Throwing up and passing out in front of the world's press wasn't quite the triumphant ending to the day he'd envisaged, so Niki waited for the first brief moment when all attention was on someone else and slipped out of the fire escape.

He found himself standing on a blessedly deserted service road, and took a deep breath. If he could just sit down for a moment, he'd be fine. There was a low wall a short distance away and Niki was halfway there when the dizziness and nausea swept back over him and he had to clutch at the wall to stop himself falling.

Bent double, blind to his surroundings and assuming himself still alone, Niki jumped violently when an arm was wrapped around his waist and a supporting hand came to rest on his shoulder. 

"It's alright. It's only me," said a familiar voice, and Niki grasped the sleeve of the arm holding him up like a drowning man clutching at a branch.

"James?" It was all he could manage, but there was enough reluctant relief in his voice to make Hunt smile.

"Come on. It's alright. I've got you." He hauled Niki upright and helped him over to the wall, where he sat them both down and kept a steadying arm around Niki's shoulders. He could feel him shaking, and frowned.

"Are you alright?" It seemed inadequate, given the circumstances, and James winced. "I mean - do you need a doctor?"

"No." Niki shook his head stubbornly and it unleashed a fresh wave of dizziness. "I'm fine. I just needed some air. That's all." He swallowed repeatedly, then went white. "Oh, sh-"

He turned hastily away and vomited into the rough grass behind the wall.

"Sorry." He sat up, wiping his mouth, feeling embarrassed but marginally better.

"Don't worry about it. Hardly the first time I've seen you throw up." James grinned. "Normally we've at least managed a skinful first though."

"Always it is your fault," Niki complained. "Making me drink so much I'm ill."

"Not my problem if you can't hold your drink," James shrugged, then rubbed his back comfortingly. "Are you really alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Niki Lauda, you're a lying liar who lies." James softened his tone. "Are you in pain?"

Niki gave him a defeated look. "What do you think?"

"Come on." James stood up and held out a hand. 

"Where are we going?"

"Back to the hotel. You look like you need to sleep for about a year." 

Niki gave him a wan smile but didn't move. "I'm not sure I can stand up yet," he admitted, and James immediately sat down again, putting an arm back around him. They sat there for a few minutes longer, Niki leaning discreetly against his side, and James tactfully not saying anything.

Eventually Niki looked up, and nodded when James raised his eyebrows enquiringly. This time he made it to his feet, although he was quietly grateful for the fact that James kept a supporting arm around him. 

To avoid the crowds and press, James left Niki at the entrance to the access road and ran off to fetch his hire car, half afraid the man would pass out in the few minutes he was gone. 

To Niki the journey passed in a blur, which given the speed James took the back-roads at was probably a blessing. When they reached the hotel though, he did notice they got off the elevator at the wrong floor.

"Where are we going?" he asked groggily.

"My room. People'll be less likely to look for you there, you might get a bit more peace." 

Niki didn't protest, and James manoeuvred him into the room and set him down on the bed, looking worried when Niki promptly slid sideways to lay his head gingerly on the pillow.

Just glad to be lying down, Niki was vaguely aware of the clinking of glass and the running of a tap, and then the bed dipped as James sat next to him. Niki struggled to sit up, and realised with a twinge of embarrassment that he’d left a smear of blood on the white pillow.

"Damn. Sorry."

James looked at him, half-raising a hand towards the blood-soaked bandages around Niki's head then letting it fall again, not quite liking to touch.

"I'm no doctor, but I've shagged enough nurses to know those need changing," James declared. "Have you got fresh ones somewhere?"

"In my room." 

James stood up again, and Niki reached out to him. "You should fetch Marlene."

"What, you think I can't do it?"

"I think changing them will not be pleasant, or easy," Niki said carefully. "There is no reason you should have to do it." 

James just held out his hand. "Key. " Niki sighed, and dug it out. "Good. And drink that while I'm gone." James gestured to the glass on the bedside table.

"What is it?" Niki asked suspiciously.

"Just squash."

"Bitte?" 

James waved his arms around helplessly. "Well I don't know the bloody German for it, do I? Orange-gefuckwasser or something I expect. Sugar and water, I'm guessing it's what you need right now. Just drink it and shut up."

When James returned he was glad to see Niki had done as he was told, and that he was still conscious. He’d taken off his shoes and peeled down his racing suit to the t-shirt beneath, and was sitting propped up against the headboard, looking tired but alert.

"Right." James put down the bag of medical supplies he'd retrieved from Niki's room and then sat on the bed. "Tell me what to do."

Niki managed a smile. "That has to be the first time you've ever said that to me."

James snorted. "Don't get used to it. Right, these have to come off, yes?"

"Yes. There is no trick to it. You will just have to peel it away." Niki hesitated. "I should warn you, it will stick. You don't have to do this."

James took a breath. "If you can live with it, I should at least be capable of helping." He reached out and unpinned the bandage, before carefully starting to unwind it from around Niki's head. The first couple of strips posed no problem, although they were almost soaked through with blood and worse. It was when he got to the part in direct contact with Niki's ruined scalp that James appreciated just how hard this was going to be. Hours wedged inside a racing helmet had largely welded them to what were effectively still open wounds, and gentle pulling wasn't shifting them.

"Am I hurting you?" James asked guiltily, seeing Niki wince.

"There is no helping it," Niki said stoically. "And it would cause too much damage to rip it quickly, like a plaster. It will come, if you keep it at."

By the time James had pried every last strip of filthy bandage away, his hands were shaking. He sat back, relieved it was over and silently marvelling that Niki had endured what must have been an agonising procedure without a sound. James suspected if their positions had been reversed he'd have been bitching and moaning the entire time.

Once it was done and he could see for the first time exactly what sort of condition Niki was in, he couldn't tear his eyes away. Niki had reluctantly admitted he was in discomfort, but James hadn't appreciated until that moment exactly how excruciating it must be for him.

Niki endured his scrutiny for as long as he could bear, then looked away. 

"Oh Niki." James' voice was hoarse. "Oh Christ."

Niki managed a tight smile, but wouldn't meet his eyes. "Is bad, huh?"

James shook his head, looking stricken. “This is all my fault.” 

Niki frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“One vote. One fucking vote, Niki. If I’d voted with you instead of...” He let the thought tail off, but Niki shook his head.

“That doesn’t make it any more your fault than the others who also voted to race. And I could have said no. Refused to drive. But I chose to take the risk, as we all did. These things happen. And today, here I am.”

James had to swallow hard against the lump in his throat. Getting maudlin about it wasn't going to help either of them. "Do you know, I think you might actually be madder than me."

Niki cautiously looked up at him, this time with a glimmer of a smile. "Had to get back to it, didn't I? Couldn't have you stealing my championship."

Instead of replying James leaned in and kissed Niki gently on the mouth, then sat back, all brisk business. "Right. Tell me what to do next." 

"There is cream," Niki said, and if his voice was shaking slightly it was no more than James' hands. "For the - for the raw places. And sterile pads. Then - just clean bandage."

"Right." James set his shoulders and got to work, biting his lip hard every time he felt Niki flinch under his hands.

Finally it was done, and they both heaved a sigh of relief. 

"I'd better clean up." James retreated to the en-suite bathroom, stuffing the gory bandages into the bin before washing his hands and splashing water on his face. He felt weak and rather sickly horrified, not just at what Niki had put himself through but that people had let him do it. Although he knew from experience, arguing with Niki was mostly a lost cause.

Taking a minute to master himself, James emerged back into the bedroom. Along with the medical supplies he'd brought a change of clothes back from Niki's room, and while James had been in the bathroom he'd taken off his racing suit. James joined him on the bed, lying beside him and propping himself up on one elbow to look at him.

"Be honest. Are you alright?"

"Define alright," said Niki dryly. "I am in one piece, I am alive. Everything else can be endured."

"I'm starting to think at this point you might actually be indestructible," James said. He brightened. "They do say that rats are hard to get rid of."

Niki half-laughed. "Typical, uh?" he offered. "I crash at a hundred and fifty, I nearly burn to death, and what part of me comes through completely unscathed? My teeth."

James grinned. "Nothing's shifting those puppies." He leaned forward and kissed Niki again, this time with distinctly more tongue. 

Niki didn't stop him, but when James pulled back he looked troubled.

"What is it?" James whispered. 

Niki shook his head. "You don't have to kiss me."

"I thought you liked me kissing you. You've never objected before," James smiled.

"I didn't look like this before. I can hardly imagine it is a pleasant experience."

James stared at him and Niki stared back, looking miserable.

"For God's sake Niki - I thought I'd lost you," James said under his breath. "I thought you were dying. There was a whole day we were told you might be dead. Do you have any idea - " he broke off, pressing his lips together. "Look - I'm going to tell you something. And you probably won't like it, and you probably won't believe me. But I thought I'd never get the chance to say, it so - " He stopped again. "I've never said this to anyone, not and meant it. But I love you Niki." 

Niki just carried on staring at him, albeit with an added degree of incredulity. James gave an uncomfortable laugh. "Yes. Well. Sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Niki asked softly. 

"I don't know. Being ridiculous?"

"Why is it ridiculous?"

"Well, I can hardly imagine you - " James gestured helplessly. "You know. It's stupid. I mean - _me_ , of all people!"

"Do you think I don't feel the same then?" Niki said, and it was James' turn to stare at him fixedly.

"Do you?" 

"Of course." Niki looked awkward. "I always have. I just never imagined you did."

"What about Marlene?"

"I love her too. She doesn't mind."

"Oh well, if - " James stopped dead and looked startled. "Are you telling me she knows? About us?"

"Yes."

"What?" James sat up, flustered. "How? Why - what?"

Niki smiled, amused by his confusion. "She's my wife. I never wanted to lie to her."

"And - and she's _okay_ with it?"

"Yes." Niki nodded. "She said she'd rather know I was with you, than chasing after other women when she wasn't around."

"Dear God," James breathed faintly, slowly lying down again. And then - "Well, that explains a lot."

"Like what?"

"I saw her," James said. "When I went to pick up the bag."

"You told her where I was?"

"Yes."

Niki nodded. "Good. I wouldn't want to worry her."

"I told her you'd be staying here tonight. I said it was to keep out the way of the press, but I thought at the time she was less surprised than I expected." 

"Perhaps glad to have a night off," Niki said seriously. "It has been hard on her."

"I got the impression she was just glad there was someone else looking out for you," James said. He looked down and took Niki's hand in his, lacing their fingers together. "Did you mean what you said?" he asked, studiedly casual. 

Niki rolled his eyes. "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

"I did," James pointed out.

"True." Niki smiled. "Fine. I love you. Happy?"

James smiled back. "Weirdly, yes. Even if you do look like somebody tried to crack a badly cooked egg." 

“Oh, thank you.”

“Well, let’s be honest. You look fucking awful Niki.” James frowned, as if trying to puzzle something out. “It’s how I know this is real,” he added more quietly. “What I feel. Anyone else – I’d run a mile. I’m not proud of that, but I know it’s true. But you – the truth is, the only place I want to be right now is right here by your side.”

Niki looked taken aback by this unexpectedly heartfelt declaration, and James cleared his throat, embarrassed. 

“Anyway. There it is. You know, I can’t imagine how you did what you did today. How you even got in the car,” he added, hoping to move the focus away from what he felt was a lamentable moment of soppiness.

“I think I had to,” Niki said slowly. “At least now it should get easier, each time.”

“Be careful, eh?” James breathed, pressing a light kiss to the bandages around Niki’s head.

“Oh yes, and lose,” Niki retorted.

“Well, not that careful. Second, maybe. Second’s good,” James said innocently.

“I did not drag myself out of hell to come second.”

“Well I’m not letting you win just because I was careless enough to fall in love with you.”

Niki smiled at that. “I’d be disappointed if you did.”

“So. All to play for then?” James nodded. “Good. If I only won this because you weren’t trying – it wouldn’t feel like it counted as much.”

Niki stretched out tiredly, careful of his still-healing ribs, and settled down against James’ chest. “You’d still take it though.”

“Oh God yes.” James wrapped a careful arm around him, and smiled. “I never said I had principles.”

\--


End file.
